I flattened your cat

Category: Farming Jokes


Seems a guy was driving for hours thu desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he could react, a cat ran out in front of him and*splat*... he flattened the cat. Out of kindness and consideration, he stopped, turned around and drove back to the farmhouse to notify the occupants.
When the housewife came to the door, said he, "Pardon me madame, but I just ran over a cat in front of your house, and assumed that it must belong to you. I know this might be hard to hear, but I wanted to let you know instead of just driving off...."
"Not so fast", says she. "How do you know it was our cat? Could you describe him? What does he look like?"
The man promptly flopped down on the ground, and said "He looks like this" as he gave his best shot at a dead cat impression.
"Oh no, you *horrible* man", she replied. "I meant, what did he look like*before* you hit him?"
At that, the man got up, covered his eyes with both hands and screamed "Agggghhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!"


Wife isn't in the car


On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"
To which th ... Read On »

Settling a cow case


A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through wh ... Read On »

I flattened your cat


Seems a guy was driving for hours thu desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he could react, a cat ran out in front of him and*splat* ... Read On »

Celebrating an event


An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their g ... Read On »

Pig misunderstanding


Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered later by a computer tech into their database. One theft repor ... Read On »

Winning Nobel prize


A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass.
He pulls the car over to the side of t ... Read On »

Gathering chickens


The farmer's son was returning from the market with the crate of chicken's his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and brok ... Read On »

Lacking all religion


A very zealous soul-winning young preacher recently came upon a farmer working in his field. Being concerned about the farmer's soul the preacher aske ... Read On »

Giving away a horse


A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town. To the houses where t ... Read On »

Helping your father


A clergyman walking down a country lane and sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.
"You look hot, my so ... Read On »

123
I flattened your cat0/ 5.