The Procrastinator's creed

Category: Business Jokes

1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.
2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.
3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.
4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.
5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.
6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.
7. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitesmally small, is not exactly zero.
8. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.
9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
10. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.
11. I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the task to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done prior to beginning the greater task.
12. I know that the work cycle is not plan-start-finish, but is wait-plan-plan.
13. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.
14. I will become a member of the ancient Order of Two-Headed Turtles (the Procrastinator's Society) if they ever get it organized

The boss tells some jokes

The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody, but one girl lau ... Read On »

Looks bad on resume cover letters

1. I'm really keen to work for you, I hear the drugs are good.
2. I regret that I have no references. Unfortunately, every company I have worked for ... Read On »

The copy machine handout

In most offices, the photocopier is out of order every now and then.
One copy repairman had answered question after question for the employees. Fina ... Read On »

The Procrastinator's creed

1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.
2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excus ... Read On »

Why did he fire you?

Two neighbors were talking about work, when one asked,
"Say, why did the foreman fire you?"
Replied the second, "Well, you know how a foreman is al ... Read On »

Those who don't know

The world is divided into two groups.
There are those who know, and those who don't know.
Those who know are no problem.
Those who don't know are ... Read On »

The requirements of this job

Employer: "In this job we need someone who is responsible."

Applicant: "I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they ... Read On »

The ten ifs of employment

1. If it rings, put it on hold.
2. If it clunks, call the repairman.
3. If it whistles, ignore it.
4. If it's a friend, stop work and chat.
5. If ... Read On »

Repairing the phone

A friend of mine was a frequent user of a pay telephone at a popular truck stop, and was greatly inconvenienced when the phone went out of commission. ... Read On »

Main Vice President

Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end.
Final ... Read On »

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